Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Frustrated!!!
I am frustrated with myself. I need to lose weight, for health, for fertility, for my sanity. And yet in the moment when I have to make the best choice I don't. A few years ago I became very ill and was in and out of the hospital for a month. I was basically in bed for a month and a half. At that point I was 45lbs. overweight. But when I got sick I didn't have much of an appetite. When I was able to walk around again I felt week. So I decided to start working out some for strength. Between wanting to work out and being encouraged to do something with my new bf (now hubby) it became a regular part of my life, that and my much smaller stomach. In 6 months I lost 40lbs. without thinking about it too much. I ran with hubby because it was something we did together, not necessarily because I wanted to ( you can ask him, I complained a lot). Then I kept it off for 3 years! After the weight loss, i actually had semi-regular cycles. Something which I had never experienced. Then as I've put on weight over the last 2 years they became less regular. And today here I am not far from where I originally started frustrated that I did not do my best to keep this from happening again. And the cycles matter this time around, they matter because we want to have a baby. For all of my desire to try naturally I am not doing a very good job. Now I understand that my PCOS plays a part in this, when I went off the pill a few months ago I instantly gained almost 15lbs. It was/is ridiculous. And now I can't exercise like I used to because I'm having trouble with my hip. I start physical therapy in January with the hopes that it will allow me to do be active again. Enough with my complaining, I'm just frustrated with myself. Since July there have been no cycles. None. Zip. Hard to have a baby that way. I'm not in a rush, I just wish my body would cooperate. And that I would do my part, seriously.
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13 comments:
(((Hugs))) I'll be starting a weight loss blog soon in case you need a buddy. Hope you have a good Christmas.
ICLW
I can understand your frustrations about weight. I was always underweight (a long distance runner) till I stopped running 5-10 miles a day. I don't want to start running again (murder on my knees and other chesty areas) but I do need to lose weight. hmmm.
ICLW
PCOS sucks!!!! It is so frustrating, I totally understand. ((HUGS))
I understand your frustrations with weight. I am hoping with the New Year I can get on the bandwagon of healthy eating, I will stop by to send support.
ICLW
It's tough to start losing weight after you've already done it. We've been snowed in for over a week and i can see what it's doing to me. It SUCKS!
Wishing you luck getting to where you want to be!
Hugs,
-D *ICLW*
I can relate... I was in the best shape of my life (total exercise buff at the time) and then I got mono and the weight crept back. I am so frustrated with my self for not stopping it. And the hip problems are probably really putting a damper on things. Do you have a pool or somewhere to do low impact stuff that won't stress your hip? I hope you find something because dieting just doesn't cut it with PCOS.
You have a beautiful wedding photo by the way.
ICLW
umm i know exactly how you feel. Before i met my husband (5yrs ago), i was fit/trim and looked so good! I worked out a lot, ate healthy and then we met, he moved away, came back, emotional rollercoaster of life for a few while. Then i moved to be with him, I didn't know a sole, i was 45minutes from my parents,I started a new job, the list goes on, so i gained about 20lbs or so and have never lost them.
Now being pregnant i do wish i was fit/trim. I do want to start walking, my doctor says i can, i just need to start!
On a good note since i'm living on crackers and liquids and little food i'll probably not gain any weight this holiday, probably the first time in 30years, LOL! I'm having horrible all day morning sickness.
Oh and as to not having your periods that just plain sucks!! I've had to take provera a few times to bring on my period, then i started the clomid when i would have them. I also started the Low GI diet a few weeks before the month i got pregnant. I actually think the low gi and exercise, 3 lb weight loss, brought on My Nov 3rd period and combined with that and clomid that month i got pregnant. I trullly believe the low gi is a great diet!
If you want to learn more about it, i can send you a book, i basically have it memorized by now!!
(sorry so long).
I can see why you'd be so frustrated. I hope things work out soon. ((hugs))
ICLW
Try not to be too hard on yourself. That can make you feel down which can cause you to have even less motivation. {{{Hugs}}}
*ICLW
I hope 2009 brings you much joy and relief from your hip problems so you can exercise again..and that the cycles return.... just long enough for that elusive BFP.
Merry Christmas
Here from ICLW...No. 88
My Little Drummer Boys
Hi,
Email me at anydaynowimstillwaiting@yahoo.com and give me your address, or where ever you want me to send the book to, and i will send you the low gi express book.
Hey there Noemi! Frustration is a natural outcome, but there is only one painful way out of this - strong will! If it is the weight that is getting you into trouble, you will have to so something about it. Why not ask DH to start roping you again for daily running/exercise? Have a wonderful 2009 and all the very best!
ICLW
I can completely relate to the weight issues. I really need to lose about 30 lbs. and was on a great track earlier this year, running 3+ miles, 3x a week and trained for my first 5K but with the winter months, I have fallen off the wagon. I have one of those new ipod+ nike things, so I'm going to start tracking my miles in 2009. I'll look forward to checking in and seeing how your progress goes!
Good luck to you and best wishes for a great 2009.
iclw
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