Long time coming

I've had new update posts running through my head for the past month but, I couldn't find the time to type them out. It's been an interesting few weeks for me. For one after six months away to who knows were AF came as a complete surprise. Hopefully, this means my body is trying to rectify itself but I'm not going to think about that seriously. I had to cancel my consult with the doctor I had scheduled. I was supposed to see her tomorrow. The dr. I was seeing left the practice and I'm not sure I want to do the leg work required to try to find her. Additionally, I can't make the scheduled appt. due to a new job I've taken on which conflicts with the time. So now I'm in the search for a new dr. and I'm not sure how to chose. I looked up on my insurance website so I have an idea from where to start, but from there I'm lost.

All that aside something happened during the holidays that I did not expect. I cannot remember where I was or what was happening, all I know is that as I was playing with a little one I had that yearning. The one that many of you have described. The one that pulls you to fill your arms with a little one of your own. This is new territory for me. I knew that I wanted to have children, someday, but I'd never before felt this kind of emotional desire. It's scary because it makes room for disappointment. I let myself feel it, hold it, and then I released it to just be. A small flicker that shows that I would 'actually' like to be pregnant this year. Just typing that sentence gives me a bit of anxiety. But I pray, and ask those around me who pray to join me, knowing that the one who created me and is the author of all my desires will be with me down this road no matter where it leads.